You are called to lead...
In Lesson 2 I asked you: Are you willing to do what it takes to get better?
Assuming that you said yes, we now have to approach the steps to make ourselves better. Please keep in mind, that just as your lack of self-discipline or self-control did not occur overnight, this too is a process that will not occur overnight.
Many of the issues that you may face today were engrained in you from the time of your birth, while other issues you have likely picked up throughout the course of your life from involvement with others.
Let’s begin with the latter: your involvement with others.
At some point in our lives, most of us have experienced an unhealthy relationship of some sort. These relationships could have been familial, dating/marital or even relationships with children. People often go through their lives never evaluating the relationships that they participate in, and therefore, they rarely see the level of dysfunction within those relationships. The result is that the relationships continue, and a pattern of engaging in similar dysfunctional relationships emerges.
Yesterday, I preached a sermon entitled "Those That Keep Wishing For The Past Have No Hope For The Future". In this lesson, I would like to develop that sermon on an even deeper level.
I can remember a time in my life many years ago when I left a relationship because of the emotional abuse (which in my opinion is just as bad as physical abuse). After several months apart I felt so guilty for leaving this person that I could hardly stand it. After all I thought to myself "this isn't his fault, his dad was an alcoholic and he's never had a good relationship and after all was it really that bad?" Maybe I had made it up in my mind that it was worse than it actually was.
So after he had called one night, as was the norm, I agreed to come back and try it again. Two weeks later I found myself lying in bed, sobbing uncontrollably, and trying to figure out how I was going to leave again.
Many times, this same scenario plays out in friendships. Time does NOT heal all wounds, only God can do such a thing. However, time will (if we are not careful) trick us into thinking that we are completely healed or recovered from such hurts. It is in the same way that an alcoholic who hasn’t drank for months will feel safe going into a bar. Yet, that is a false feeling of safety because the environment that person steps into will bring back old ideas, old ways of thinking and ultimately, old behaviors.
When it comes to relationships, you can be away from someone for a significant amount of time and begin to think, "Perhaps, that relationship wasn’t as bad as I imagined or maybe I just took them the wrong way and I should give this another shot".
Arguably, there will be times that returning to a former relationship is the way to go, but I find it to be very, very rare.
The bible says we are to put off the old and put on the new. We are not spiritually thrift shopping here! We cannot allow ourselves to put on used behaviors and old expectations.
So, how does this relate to our goal as more disciplined and self controlled leaders and the goal of becoming more of what God as called us to? Well, it relates because in order to meet these goals we must first take inventory of our relationships and friendships to find out exactly what each one does for you! Then, we must pray over that list and in doing so, we must ask God to give us a spirit of wisdom and revelation.
Let’s go deeper!
The bible tells us to "present our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God." Therefore, you simply CANNOT offer a sacrifice to God that is controlled by others. The passage goes on to say: "this is your spiritual act of worship." I ask you, why were you created? You were created to worship Him and to bring Him glory!!! If you are allowing others to control your worship, if you are allowing them to keep you from coming to God completely, if you are not allowing yourself to be completely emptied out to him because of someone else, then you are allowing them to take your worship and this is not at all a wise thing to do.
The rest of the scripture says "Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind".
I can remember when people used to come to the church and many times their old religious friends would say "you’re just being brainwashed". My response was always: "you are very correct, our brains needed washing after all the years of religious hypocrisy and damnation that was pushed." That is exactly what the Word was talking about: the transformation of our minds and mindsets away from the things of this world and into the things of God.
We have to be transformed if we are going to get better.
I have known partners who controlled the other one to keep them from working because of a lack of trust. I have known people who let their old attitudes keep them from stepping out into faith and receiving what God has for them. I've know people who were so afraid of causing waves that they refuse to break old friendships and old chains and tried to keep following God while walking in bondages of old relationships, old attitudes, and old behaviors.
My friend, if we are going to truly be an example of God, if we are going to walk in the level God has called us to walk in, we will have to change much of our lives. The way we see things, the way we hear things, the way we respond to things, all of it will require change to some degree.
I pray now as you begin your assignment that God will give you a holy boldness and a spirit of wisdom and revelation so that you may know Him better and so that you may see those circumstances; and yes, even those people who are hindering you from stepping out and become more of what God has called you to become.